BDSM

– Secretary v.s. 50 Shades –

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Around mid February, I watched the two most distinctive BDSM film in the same week. One with my friend J, one with my man. The two film talked similar theme with different context and background, and therefore received very different fate from one another.

The one I watched with J filled with a man and a woman, the woman was inexperienced and the man was “so-called” damaged inside despite great deal of wealth. He showered her with luxuries that ordinary people could not possibly afford, while grooming her to be able to adjust his BDSM preference. She wanted him with her own ideals of what love supposed to be, while she was able to adjust some parts of it, she began to grow fearful over his controlling ways – for example, stalking her all the way to her mother’s hometown. He often placed her in isolated state, secrecy left her impossible to consult others for the situation. Eventually she decided to leave, for feeling too overwhelmed by him.

The other one I watched filled with a woman who had been troubled by self-harm and a lawyer who has been dealing with his dominating nature, he was her boss. One night he saw her harming herself and resolved to stop her doing so, by giving orders to her on things to be done. The effect strangely turned her to better state, while families were worried for her. Eventually her boss feared his nature out of control and rejected her, yet she won him back by fighting her way and her patience.

Both film were equally pretty and lovely, yet I enjoyed the latter better for greater positivity and the characters seemed more equal.

– #FiftyShadesisabuse –

to she has to keep secrets from him so she wouldn’t have to deal with his “anger issue”.https://twitter.com/Kirsch_Paprika/status/563856188669173760

I wouldn’t be ashamed to admit I would like to see the film version of “Fifty Shades of Grey”,

just to see how it was done from novel, while many women were looking forward to it, there were also women who worried for two things:

1. the promotion of domestic violence on women

2. how the violence would conflate with consented BDSM

There have been articles criticising how “Fifty Shades of Grey” cause greater problem on people’s understanding on BDSM in itself, for example the overshadowing on the fact that Submissive part and Dominating part would always have to discuss their limits etc before beginning, for example discussion on safe-words. While a lot of the time (from what I read on the novel), the heroine’s life was being controlled by Mr Grey – from the necessity of excercising and dieting, to she has to hide things from him so she wouldn’t have to deal with his tantums. (http://www.elephantjournal.com/2014/11/heres-why-fifty-shades-of-grey-is-not-good-bdsm/)

Therefore yes we have to not just make awareness upon what “Fifty Shades of Grey” conflated, but also to have more quality work of literature, television and movies to differentiate/distinguish BDSM from Domestic Abuse, as clearly there are a lot of confusion that were carried by various women on social media (esp Twitter) over the two.

– BDSM, Feminism –

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SfZWFDs0LxA (Fifty Shades of Grey)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ya_bumgMW7I (Story of O Intro)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KdS6HFQ_LUc (Rihanna – S&M)

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I bought “Story of O” today while I was in Waterstones,

I did not know why I had this strong desire to read it, I should’ve been put off reading about BDSM thanks to Fifty Shades of Grey (since it was pretty terrible and I can feel no related to it). Beside this, it was to do with my conflict over feminism – well I am not totally a feminist, but I do however share similar ideals as many other feminists such as request for gender equality and  sexism matter. Yet often feminists (esp. radical ones) seemed very touchy about sex in general, let alone BDSM. For them it seemed, BDSM was the most degrading intercourse of all sex, judged by the way things were structured – bondage and spanking etc. Women often seen playing the submission role, when men mostly do the dominating role. And so it goes, it is for people very hard to believe that being feminists and like BDSM can be something that exist in one person…

Sources to look up:

http://vagendamagazine.com/2014/06/does-liking-bdsm-make-me-a-bad-feminist/

http://pervocracy.blogspot.co.uk/2013/04/how-can-you-be-feminist-and-do-bdsm.html

Love For Sale Ep2

Love For Sale Ep2

Finished watching “Love For Sale” the documentary on sex work, this time it was about trying to understand the punters (aka purchasers).

The episodes shown a great deal more of sex workers with diverse fields, from dominatrix to a man (in the programme’s state) dressed as women to do online sex. A lot of them told many interesting tales, also pointed out the fact that people no matter how normal their front looked, always have a part within them that are not so normal afterall.

However I was alright with the programme until they get to the section of a counsellor hold a addiction meeting, while talking about paying for sex workers, the counsellor kept pouring out the ideas that are normally found in people who are anti-sex workers. Those words not just represented a huge misconception on the reality of sex workers, but also very sadly are the things that society generally understand about sex workers. It is also possible the oppression from society made sex worker community less interested in explaining the reality, or too many different realities spoken by different sex workers – therefore we just found it hard to work out who to believe.